A side of myself that I struggled for years was the pressing need to escape in order to find myself. Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? But whenever I am under emotional stress, when I need to find answers I didn’t have, whenever I am bored, I take my car and drive with the very specific aim to get lost.

It’s like I literally run away from everything that is bothering me until I am ready to deal with it.

Right now, life is… ordinary. Very much so. I wake up, hit the gym if I feel well rested enough, go to work, drive home, make dinner, get ready to do it all over again the next day. There are bright spots in between, like getting to see an old friend, or feeling a sort of childish glee when I dive into a new book. Sometimes, I convince my roommate to watch old Love Island episodes with me.

It’s not a bad life; in fact, it’s a life I am so grateful for.

And yet I get the feeling that I am meant to be doing something else.

And when I start feeling that way, I get the need to escape.

Lately, my escape has been theater. For a few hours I forget that I need to pay rent and that I am out of groceries, and become someone else. So, in this case, the escape is just as psychological as it is physical.

Sometimes, I wish that I didn’t have the need to escape. But part of maturing and growing wiser is learning how to live with yourself… and so I do.

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