Buh-Bye 2017: Why I Won't Miss You

I hope five years from now I can look at 2017, sip from my glass of expensive wine, and say with an air of nostalgia, “that year was a tough one, but it taught me so much! I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the hardship.”

Because, from where I am standing (err, siting on my bed, actually) this year was one that constantly tested my resilience and my ability to push through when the odds seemed stacked against me. To recap:

  • I lost the job I loved so dearly
  • I got a new job with unstable hours, non-existent perks, awful management and crappy pay   
  • My friends moved out of town
  • My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer
  • Family drama! (with a dramatic climax at thanksgiving dinner, no less. Talk about life imitating your favorite soap-opera!)
  • I took a Saturday chemistry class that annihilated what little social life I had and turned me into a bundle of stress and avoid-it-until-it-goes-away-ness 
  • When I applied (and got!) a new job with awesome benefits that aligned with my degree, I was told HR made an oopsie and I would have to apply for it again… which could take anywhere from three months to a year

And I am not even getting into the panic and shame that comes with being Hispanic in a country presided by a man who very much hates your guts, and encourages those who will listen to join in that sentiment.  

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I have spent the entirety of December watching over my back, wondering what is going to happen next while silently begging the Universe to give me a break.

Getting through each day one at a time: little steps here and there, don’t call too much attention to yourself, hoard every little bit of good luck that comes your way because it might run out very soon. I feel like a rubber band that is about to snap without warning from the effort it takes to remain in one piece. It’s exhausting. One little misfortune more and I am sure I will be reduced to angry tears and inelegant blubbering.

It has not all been awful, though. Among the rubble, I have found some really precious memories to keep everything into perspective:

  • I realized who my true friends were, because they were beside me when I was at my least loveable
  • My family is closer than ever
  • I took a wonderful trip to New York City and, cliché as it sounds, it served to make me see something I should have seen a long time ago: I am worth it. I am powerful beyond belief. I need to stop hiding from the world.

And, the simplest realization, but one that could easily be missed:

I survived.

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I survived every day and I fought every day and I will continue to do so until I am where I want to be

So, 2017: farewell, old friend, you won’t be missed. And hello 2018, my chance at redemption, my second breath of life. I am ready for you.